Your Wedding Pictures

I am looking at your wedding pictures. I am looking at you, looking at her in her big white dress, the way you used to look at me on a Friday night. I am looking at you smiling and happy, happier than you were with me. I am looking at you taking your vows before God, head bowed, eyes closed, and in a church with bright colored windows. I am looking at you holding her hands and she is looking at you. She is in love - so are you.

I am remembering the night you sat on my couch using the cushions as a barrier between us (so you could hide) and telling me that she was pregnant with your first son. I remember feeling nothing. I remember I didn’t feel a thing for days. And then one day I saw the maternity pictures of the two of you (the one with both of your hands in the shape of a heart on her very pregnant belly is most vivid in my mind) and I knew what was happening. I remember finally crying then and I didn’t stop for months. I remember thinking how you had ruined me.

I am looking at the photo of your son at your wedding and he looks just like you - those eyes! And now I remember letting go. I remember how much I loved you and why I let you go. I am looking at this photo and remembering and thinking, I’m not ruined at all.